“This is just how life is” is rarely a fact.
“Normal” isn’t reality - it’s conditioning.
“This is just how life is” is rarely a fact.
More often, it’s a belief we absorbed from an environment that didn’t have the capacity for more. At some point, “being realistic” quietly became a very polite form of self-betrayal.
When struggle is normalised around you, i.e., being underpaid, overworked & quietly resentful, dreaming bigger starts to feel irresponsible. Naive. Delusional. Even selfish.
So you become practical.
Lower expectations.
Learn to want less.
All because that’s what feels… ahem…normal.
And yet “normal” isn’t reality - it’s conditioning. I cannot stress this point enough!
This is why doing something outside of your norm often comes with discomfort. You feel like an impostor. Like you are not supposed to be doing this.
Your nervous system is wired to protect what feels familiar, not what’s objectively safe or good for you.
When you move outside that familiarity, your body can interpret change as a threat, activating stress responses such as adrenaline and cortisol.
This response, primarily, is generated by your thoughts. There is a conflict between what you were told is possible and what you want to be possible.
That’s why change often feels very uncomfortable before it feels empowering. And this is why having someone who can help you go through this discomfort is so important.
Once you begin to notice the beliefs underlying your behavior, you regain choice. And choice is where real change happens.
Not overnight, of course. And not through motivation alone. But through awareness, honesty, and learning to lead your life by leading your thoughts.
So I’m curious:
What’s one belief about life, your abilities, or success that you’ve never actually questioned?
With love & solidarity,
Jelena | Your Coach
P.S. If your first reaction was “blah blah self-work again,” that reaction might be worth getting curious about ;)
Why Constant Learning Isn’t Teaching You
A good therapist has never said:
“Here’s a mini course. Watch it instead of a session.”
The world of learning has changed.
Everything is mini.
Bite-sized.
Optimised for speed.
You can learn almost anything online, including confidence, leadership, relationships, emotional intelligence, AI, and even how to “fix” yourself in 10 steps.
And on the surface, that sounds like progress.
And It is, if you’re the one SELLING it.
But I want to talk to the ones who are buying.
When you see a short, affordable course promising more confidence, better relationships, deeper self-love, or professional success, if the price is low enough, you’ll buy it.
Again.
And again.
And again.
Not because you’re naive, but because Shiny Objects Syndrome and FOMO sell very well.
Your brain gets the dopamine hit.
It feels like growth.
Like movement.
Like evolution.
But here’s the uncomfortable truth:
Most of this “learning” produces little to no lasting change in you or your results.
“But I Have So Much Material”… you say.
And you really do. I bet your drive is full of replays, frameworks, best practices, fill-in templates, strategies and notes saved “for later”. Yet you and your behaviour remain intact.
Your brain then tricks you into believing that, the conclusion is obvious:
The course probably wasn’t good enough.
“Oh well. It was only €50. Let me try this one instead,” - you say to yourself.
And then the next.
And the next.
Until one day, a quieter, heavier question appears:
“Why is nothing changing in my life the way I want it to change?”
Ah! Now you are on to something.
Why indeed? I mean, you HAVE the information.
Because you’re stacking good and generic advice on top of unresolved patterns.
And unresolved patterns don’t dissolve through information.
They dissolve through awareness, relational feedback, emotional processing, and integration, none of which can happen in isolation of a mini whatever.
There’s a reason therapists have therapists.
Coaches have coaches.
Supervisors exist.
We all have blind spots. And we can’t see them on our own.
Have you ever noticed something curious?
A good therapist has never said:
“Here’s a mini course. Watch it instead of a session.”
Think about that.
Learning Isn’t the Problem. Context Is.
I believe deeply in continuous learning when it’s done right.
Some of the most impactful growth experiences are:
live
guided
relational
held over time
layered with reflection and application
But much of what circulates online, especially around mental health, psychology, and personal growth, is shallow at best and harmful at worst.
It promises transformation without discomfort.
Change without friction.
Depth without time.
And I get it, because I was the same. I wanted the easy way. The fast way. The cheap way.
Wouldn’t that be nice?
The Cost of Bite-Sized Growth
These mini-modules don’t fail because they’re bad.
They fail because they create the illusion of progress while keeping you exactly where you are.
They make you feel responsible and proactive, while avoiding the deeper work that actually changes your nervous system, your patterns, and your behavior.
So you keep consuming.
And circling.
And wondering why nothing sticks.
You are a complex, unique individual with deeply personal experiences. So stop approaching yourself with shallow shortcuts.
Instead, approach yourself with:
complexity
patience
nuance
depth
Real growth isn’t efficient.
It’s relational.
It’s embodied.
It’s slow enough to be honest.
That’s where things actually start to shift.
With Love & Solidarity,
Jelena
Every Relationship is a School in Action
That's where the real relationship begins… with YOU!
There's a specific kind of anxiety that comes with new relationships. This kind keeps you distracted, refreshing your phone, creating stories about what someone else might be doing, occupying a huge chunk of your attention. I know because I lived there for longer than I'd like to admit.
Every relationship has this uncanny ability to bring our deepest fears right to the surface. It's like they hand us a mirror and say, "Here, look at this." And for the longest time, I looked away. I made up stories, projected my insecurities onto other people, and called it "intuition." (It wasn’t)
But something shifted when I made one conscious decision: to look inward instead of outward.
Getting brutally honest with oneself
The first step was the hardest - allowing all those fearful thoughts to actually come through. Not pushing them away, not distracting myself, but sitting with them. Really sitting with them.
"What if they’re also seeing other people?"
"What if I'm not enough?"
"What if this ends like everything else?"
I let them all come. And then I did something different. Instead of making these fears about the other person, I started reframing them toward what I actually wanted.
"I wonder if he's seeing other people" became "I allow myself to have a healthy distance until it feels authentically right."
"What if I'm not good enough?" became "I give myself full permission to focus on what I want from a relationship."
I did this for months. That’s right! Consistency is key. Every time a fearful thought arose, I caught it and rewrote it. Not to gaslight myself or pretend everything was fine, but to reclaim my power from hypothetical scenarios I had zero control over.
And slowly, something remarkable happened. I stopped being reactive. I stopped feeling like I wasn't good enough. I stopped judging myself and the person I was dating.
Every night, I'd meditate on one outcome I wanted. Not about a specific person, but about how I wanted to feel. Secure. Respected. At peace. Desired for who I actually was.
I taught my mind to focus on Me.
A Powerful Lesson
Relationships really are schools in action—if we let them be. They'll bring up everything we've been avoiding about ourselves. And we have a choice: to spiral, or look closer.
One wise night, I chose to look closer. And in doing so, I graduated from some deeply rooted beliefs that were never really mine to begin with.
Maybe your fears are different from mine. But the invitation is the same: To stop focusing your mind on other people, start asking what You actually want and how You can give it to yourself.
That's where the real relationship begins… with YOU!
With Love & Solidarity,
Jelena