Before the year ends… a short note
Photo: My dad & I
It’s that time of the year again…
The streets are glistening with lights, the air smells like pine and mulled wine, Mariah Carey is doing her annual service to humanity and whether you’re officially working or not, deadlines feel less important.
It’s also the season when every second post invites you to reflect on the year and plan how to do next year better, faster, wiser.
I’m not going to do that.
Instead, I want to share a small piece of what this time means to me.
I’ve always loved Christmas, even though I’m not religious in the traditional sense. I love the stillness of the night on the 24th, how the world seems to pause. When I lived in Dublin, I remember gathering on Grafton Street for a not-so-secret mini concert with the biggest voices like Bono, Glen Hansard, Damien Rice, all singing together before everyone rushed home, knowing public transport would stop for the next 48 hours.
And yet, this time is also bittersweet for me.
I lost my mum just after Christmas in 2023-2024, and this season makes me miss her deeply. So every year, I fly home to spend a few quiet weeks with my dad. To be grateful for another chance to sit together. To remember where I come from. To feel how magical my life has turned out to be despite it all.
I slow down.
I read the books my father reads.
I read the books my mother once loved.
I don’t make New Year’s resolutions.
I focus on gratitude, kindness, and connection.
That’s what restores me.
So whatever this season looks like for you - joyful, quiet, overwhelming- I hope you are gentle with yourself. I hope you let rest count. And I hope your soul stays connected to hope.
As Václav Havel once said:
“Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.”
I also want to thank you for being here, for reading my words, for allowing me to do what I love professionally, and for trusting that something I share might resonate with you, even just a little.
Wishing you a peaceful holiday season!
With love & solidarity,
Jelena
Why Constant Learning Isn’t Teaching You
A good therapist has never said:
“Here’s a mini course. Watch it instead of a session.”
The world of learning has changed.
Everything is mini.
Bite-sized.
Optimised for speed.
You can learn almost anything online, including confidence, leadership, relationships, emotional intelligence, AI, and even how to “fix” yourself in 10 steps.
And on the surface, that sounds like progress.
And It is, if you’re the one SELLING it.
But I want to talk to the ones who are buying.
When you see a short, affordable course promising more confidence, better relationships, deeper self-love, or professional success, if the price is low enough, you’ll buy it.
Again.
And again.
And again.
Not because you’re naive, but because Shiny Objects Syndrome and FOMO sell very well.
Your brain gets the dopamine hit.
It feels like growth.
Like movement.
Like evolution.
But here’s the uncomfortable truth:
Most of this “learning” produces little to no lasting change in you or your results.
“But I Have So Much Material”… you say.
And you really do. I bet your drive is full of replays, frameworks, best practices, fill-in templates, strategies and notes saved “for later”. Yet you and your behaviour remain intact.
Your brain then tricks you into believing that, the conclusion is obvious:
The course probably wasn’t good enough.
“Oh well. It was only €50. Let me try this one instead,” - you say to yourself.
And then the next.
And the next.
Until one day, a quieter, heavier question appears:
“Why is nothing changing in my life the way I want it to change?”
Ah! Now you are on to something.
Why indeed? I mean, you HAVE the information.
Because you’re stacking good and generic advice on top of unresolved patterns.
And unresolved patterns don’t dissolve through information.
They dissolve through awareness, relational feedback, emotional processing, and integration, none of which can happen in isolation of a mini whatever.
There’s a reason therapists have therapists.
Coaches have coaches.
Supervisors exist.
We all have blind spots. And we can’t see them on our own.
Have you ever noticed something curious?
A good therapist has never said:
“Here’s a mini course. Watch it instead of a session.”
Think about that.
Learning Isn’t the Problem. Context Is.
I believe deeply in continuous learning when it’s done right.
Some of the most impactful growth experiences are:
live
guided
relational
held over time
layered with reflection and application
But much of what circulates online, especially around mental health, psychology, and personal growth, is shallow at best and harmful at worst.
It promises transformation without discomfort.
Change without friction.
Depth without time.
And I get it, because I was the same. I wanted the easy way. The fast way. The cheap way.
Wouldn’t that be nice?
The Cost of Bite-Sized Growth
These mini-modules don’t fail because they’re bad.
They fail because they create the illusion of progress while keeping you exactly where you are.
They make you feel responsible and proactive, while avoiding the deeper work that actually changes your nervous system, your patterns, and your behavior.
So you keep consuming.
And circling.
And wondering why nothing sticks.
You are a complex, unique individual with deeply personal experiences. So stop approaching yourself with shallow shortcuts.
Instead, approach yourself with:
complexity
patience
nuance
depth
Real growth isn’t efficient.
It’s relational.
It’s embodied.
It’s slow enough to be honest.
That’s where things actually start to shift.
With Love & Solidarity,
Jelena