Every Relationship is a School in Action
That's where the real relationship begins… with YOU!
There's a specific kind of anxiety that comes with new relationships. This kind keeps you distracted, refreshing your phone, creating stories about what someone else might be doing, occupying a huge chunk of your attention. I know because I lived there for longer than I'd like to admit.
Every relationship has this uncanny ability to bring our deepest fears right to the surface. It's like they hand us a mirror and say, "Here, look at this." And for the longest time, I looked away. I made up stories, projected my insecurities onto other people, and called it "intuition." (It wasn’t)
But something shifted when I made one conscious decision: to look inward instead of outward.
Getting brutally honest with oneself
The first step was the hardest - allowing all those fearful thoughts to actually come through. Not pushing them away, not distracting myself, but sitting with them. Really sitting with them.
"What if they’re also seeing other people?"
"What if I'm not enough?"
"What if this ends like everything else?"
I let them all come. And then I did something different. Instead of making these fears about the other person, I started reframing them toward what I actually wanted.
"I wonder if he's seeing other people" became "I allow myself to have a healthy distance until it feels authentically right."
"What if I'm not good enough?" became "I give myself full permission to focus on what I want from a relationship."
I did this for months. That’s right! Consistency is key. Every time a fearful thought arose, I caught it and rewrote it. Not to gaslight myself or pretend everything was fine, but to reclaim my power from hypothetical scenarios I had zero control over.
And slowly, something remarkable happened. I stopped being reactive. I stopped feeling like I wasn't good enough. I stopped judging myself and the person I was dating.
Every night, I'd meditate on one outcome I wanted. Not about a specific person, but about how I wanted to feel. Secure. Respected. At peace. Desired for who I actually was.
I taught my mind to focus on Me.
A Powerful Lesson
Relationships really are schools in action—if we let them be. They'll bring up everything we've been avoiding about ourselves. And we have a choice: to spiral, or look closer.
One wise night, I chose to look closer. And in doing so, I graduated from some deeply rooted beliefs that were never really mine to begin with.
Maybe your fears are different from mine. But the invitation is the same: To stop focusing your mind on other people, start asking what You actually want and how You can give it to yourself.
That's where the real relationship begins… with YOU!
With Love & Solidarity,
Jelena
