“This is just how life is” is rarely a fact.

“Normal” isn’t reality - it’s conditioning.

“This is just how life is” is rarely a fact.

More often, it’s a belief we absorbed from an environment that didn’t have the capacity for more. At some point, “being realistic” quietly became a very polite form of self-betrayal.

When struggle is normalised around you, i.e., being underpaid, overworked & quietly resentful, dreaming bigger starts to feel irresponsible. Naive. Delusional. Even selfish.

So you become practical.

Lower expectations.

Learn to want less.

All because that’s what feels… ahem…normal.

And yet “normal” isn’t reality - it’s conditioning. I cannot stress this point enough!

This is why doing something outside of your norm often comes with discomfort. You feel like an impostor. Like you are not supposed to be doing this.

Your nervous system is wired to protect what feels familiar, not what’s objectively safe or good for you.

When you move outside that familiarity, your body can interpret change as a threat, activating stress responses such as adrenaline and cortisol.

This response, primarily, is generated by your thoughts. There is a conflict between what you were told is possible and what you want to be possible.

That’s why change often feels very uncomfortable before it feels empowering. And this is why having someone who can help you go through this discomfort is so important.

Once you begin to notice the beliefs underlying your behavior, you regain choice. And choice is where real change happens.

Not overnight, of course. And not through motivation alone. But through awareness, honesty, and learning to lead your life by leading your thoughts.

So I’m curious:

What’s one belief about life, your abilities, or success that you’ve never actually questioned?

With love & solidarity,

Jelena | Your Coach

P.S. If your first reaction was “blah blah self-work again,” that reaction might be worth getting curious about ;)

From Overthinking Mind to Calm Presence: The Science of Brain Training

Overthinking, anxious mind puts you in a state of duality

Hi dear friend!

Have you ever started folding laundry and somehow ended up mentally replaying that awkward thing you said two weeks ago at? Or maybe you’re in the middle of a meeting, and instead of focusing, you’re suddenly planning your dream vacation to Bali (complete with imaginary coconuts). If that sounds familiar, you’ve met the Default Mode Network (DMN) of your brain, or how I like to call it - a Daydreaming Diva. 

This is a fascinating part of your brain responsible for all those wandering, "off-task" thoughts. And it’s your default mode of operating in the world.

The DMN is like the brain’s screensaver. It kicks in when you’re not actively engaged in a task—when your mind is idling, daydreaming, or reminiscing about the past.  While it might sound like the DMN is slacking off, it actually plays a significant role in self-reflection, creativity, and memory consolidation. However, there’s a catch: an overactive DMN can sabotage not just your productivity but your mental well-being.

Here’s the thing about the DMN: it’s not just about harmless daydreams. When it’s left unchecked, this Daydreaming Diva loves to play reruns of your greatest anxieties, regrets, and self-doubt-filled episodes. We have all spiraled into a loop of "Why did I do that?" or "What if this goes wrong?" . You can thank your DMN for that.

Neuroscientific fMRI research shows that an overactive DMN is linked to conditions like anxiety, depression, and even burnout. Why? Because instead of living in the here and now, you’re mentally stuck in either the past ("That time when things went wrong") or the future ("What if things go wrong again?"). It’s the mental equivalent of running on a treadmill—you’re expending a ton of energy but going absolutely nowhere.

Is there a solution? Of course there is! Let me introduce the hero of this story: the Task-Focused Brain (also known as the Task-Positive Network, or TPN). Unlike the DMN, which thrives on idle wanderings, the TPN activates when you’re laser-focused on a specific task - whether that’s being in mental gym (more about that below) solving a problem, learning something new, or writing a to-do list (and actually sticking to it).

Think of the TPN as your brain’s project manager. It helps you:

Stay present and engaged in the moment.

Solve problems with clarity and efficiency.

Avoid the mental clutter of overthinking.

Make you feel at peace and calm

When the TPN is active, it quiets the DMN. This is why activities like sensation focused mental gym, breath meditation, deep work, or even playing a sport can feel so satisfying—your brain has shifted gears from "What if?" to "The present moment is actually peaceful and enjoyable".

There is only one caveat. Your TPN is not your default, meaning that there is a power struggle going on and most times, DMN wins. But there is a way to balance the forces and that is to train your TPN part of the brain.

Why Train Your Task-Positive Network Brain?

Think of the DMN and TPN as two muscles. The DMN within us tends to be over-trained because it’s where we spend most of our time. So to counter act the DMN we have to train our TPN muscle more and do it repeatedly. Repetition is key! 

Training your TPN has huge benefits, including:

Increased Productivity:

With a stronger TPN, you can focus longer and accomplish more without the constant interruptions of DMN-induced daydreaming.

Improved Mental Health:

Less time spiraling into overthinking means less anxiety and more emotional balance.

Sharper Problem-Solving Skills:

A well-trained TPN helps you think clearly and creatively in the face of challenges.

Living in the Moment:

When your TPN takes the wheel, you’re more present—whether that’s enjoying dinner with friends or focusing on a hobby you love.

How to train the TPN? 

There are multiple things that you can do and the best part is that unlike your regular gym, these are easy! Here are some science-backed ways:

Mental Focused Reps: The Ultimate TPN energizer.

Research on hundreds of thousands of participants showed that short, 10 to 20 seconds focused mental reps, which done every day, activate TPN faster than just sitting in silence with your eyes closed.

How can you do it?

Focus your mind on a physical sensation in your body and give it all your attention for 10 to 20 seconds (about 3 to 5 full breaths). This can be you focusing on a touch, by rubbing two fingers together; it can be focusing on sounds around you; focusing on your breath; or really noticing shapes and ornaments of objects and things. If you can do these reps multiple times throughout the day, the progress will follow even quicker.

You may think “How come 10 seconds can make a difference?”. I can explain with some help from neuroscience. 

Your brain is made up of neurons. When a signal travels down a neuron, it results in activation of other neurons based on synapses that connect neurons. But there are multiple choices for which direction the signal would travel. The question is which neuron will be activated. Every time a neuron activates another neuron, they become more closely wired together, making it more likely that the signal will go in that direction the next time around. This constitutes a “neural pathway”. - (Positive Intelligence Journal). This is how a repeated action becomes an automatic habit. So if we continuously interrupt our DMN network with just 10-second reps technique we can pause and choose our next actions from a Task Positive Brain Network and that is where your possibility thinking, your authenticity and your curiosity reside.

Please remember that you need to do these little reps DAILY to make Task Positive Brain Network stronger! This is very important.

Engage in Flow Activities:

Activities that immerse you completely (like painting, playing music, or running) activate the TPN and give your DMN a break.

Take Breaks:

Paradoxically, giving your brain short breaks helps keep the TPN fresh and engaged. Try the Pomodoro technique (25 minutes of focused work followed by a 10-minute break).

While the DMN gets a bad rep for its tendency to wander into overthinking, it’s not all bad. It’s essential for self-reflection and processing memories and even creativity. The goal isn’t to silence your DMN completely but to strike a balance, that will result in a calmer, more engaged you.

It’s also not about forcing productivity but about reclaiming control over where your mind spends its time. With practice, you’ll be able to shift gears effortlessly—turning down the volume on mental chatter and turning up the clarity on what matters most. 

I am here to help and guide you even deeper into your Task Positive Network.

With love & solidarity,

Jelena