How to Know What You Want?

What do I want?…

Hi dears!

You know that I don't write often, but when I do, it's because I have something valuable to share with you.

And this is why today I wanted to share with you why people can’t answer the question

“How To Know What I Want?”

In my practice, this question comes up quite a lot. People come to me trying to figure out what is it, that they actually want in life. And it's such a beautiful space to be in with a client while we are unpacking that. 

And I see that people really struggle to find the answer. 

When someone says: “I don’t know what I want”

and we actually start exploring it with them… we realise that they really believe that.

As if there’s just no answer inside.

There is no feeling. No desire.

But that’s not exactly what’s happening. What’s actually going on is something else.

On a subconscious level, the person is trying to decide:

What is possible for them, and what is not.

And everything comes down to one thing:

What they believe.

And this is where it gets interesting.

Because very often, the question “what do you want?”  isn’t even perceived as a real question.

I often hear things like:

“That’s a first-world question”

“That’s for people who don’t have real problems”

“That’s not for me”

And if you really look at it, there’s one belief underneath all of that:

“There are people who get to want things like this. But I’m not one of them.”

And then the question doesn’t even appear in your head.

Or if it does, it creates a kind of freeze.

Like you’ve just been asked to solve a nuclear physics equation and you don’t even know where to begin.

And yet, if I ask something simple, like:

“Do you want white or dark chocolate?”- that you can answer instantly.

Because it feels possible.

You can see it right in front of you.

But the moment we start talking about something you can’t yet touch or clearly imagine…

it becomes difficult.

Because you can’t see yourself in that reality.

You can’t quite believe it’s FOR YOU.

And then the brain does something very efficient:

It removes it from the list of options.

So when you say:

“I don’t know what I want”

very often, what it actually means is:

 “I don’t believe I can get this.”

And here’s the important part. These beliefs don’t feel like beliefs.

They feel like facts.

You believe them the same way you believe you can walk if your body is healthy.

You don’t question them.

You live from them.

So then the deeper question is:

“What do I believe about myself, my life, and what’s possible for me?”

Because to understand what you truly want…

you don’t need to force an answer.

You need to remove what’s blocking it.

And that’s a very different kind of work.