When Your Career Thrives, but You Don’t

For Women Who’re Winning at Work and Struggling Inside

Recently, I attended a Women’s Circle event organised by Women In Tech. It was brilliant! We talked business, love, health yet one theme kept coming up:

High-functioning anxiety in high-functioning women.

It’s when you lead, deliver, manage, support everyone…
while internally battling chronic stress, overthinking, emotional exhaustion, imposter syndrome and a constant need to prove yourself.

You look “fine,” but you don't feel fine.

And I know this world far too well.

I trained & coached wonderful teams, worked with excellent managers, met big CEOs, was hired by Irish musicians, designers, published in newspapers & magazines, while in my personal life, I was insecure and crippling.

My emotions ran the show.
My body was breaking down long before I admitted anything was wrong.
When your inner world is ruled by fear, your brain minimises you and your achievements. So despite success on the outside, you remain feeling small.

That’s what high-functioning anxiety does to you, it keeps you performing and shrinking at the same time. I learned to cry in the morning, perform all day, fall apart at night and repeat.
And somehow, despite insomnia, anxiety, and emotional burnout… I still kept delivering and even being promoted. Because honestly? I loved what I do.

But inside, all the unaddressed and unchanged patterns were dissociating me from my own life.

Talking therapies helped me understand my pain. But they didn’t shift me into safety in the present.

That came later, through deeper identity work, nervous system science, and the kind of support I now offer.

So today, I want to give you a simple but powerful exercise to reconnect with yourself and get real:

1. Write down 5 achievements you’re genuinely proud of.
2. For each, remember how you actually felt at the time.
Rate it from 1–10 (1 = numb, 10 = deeply fulfilled).
3. If any score is below 10 or 9, ask:
“What made it hard to fully receive this?”
Write down the first sentence that comes up, without censoring it.

This reveals your internal limits: the beliefs that block joy, self-worth beliefs, dissociating anxiety etc.
4. Now write 5 things you want to achieve next, in work and in life.
5. Circle the ONE that would make the biggest difference right now.
And finally:
6. Ask - what identity would I need to embody to make this possible?
7. What are you responsible for here?

Because real success is never just strategy.

It’s identity.
It’s safety.
It’s a regulated nervous system.
It’s an inner world that CAN HANDLE the life you’re building.

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With love & solidarity,
Jelena